I love alcohol. Which particular kind of alcohol I love the most has changed throughout the years—for a time I was a connoisseur of whiskies; later, I systematically researched every imported beer known to humankind. I came away a better man, I can tell you. These days, I’m a wine lover.
So is Jesus. We all know the history of how Christianity slowly supplanted paganism, and it all began at the wedding of Cana, when Jesus hurled Bacchus from his ancient throne by transforming vats of boring old water into luscious gallons of fermented grape juice. And what is one of the things in heaven that Jesus assures us he’ll be joining us in? A celebratory glass of wine, of course.* Imagine being in your brand new, shiny resurrected body (which will be more capable of enjoying things then the old version) and taking that first sip of a post-Apocalypse glass of wine? When I imagine that moment, I think: does everybody realize this is part of the promise of Christianity? Why the flip isn’t everyone Christian?
O.K. I’m getting irreverent again. My apologies. The point here is to introduce a special new category of posts here at That Strangest of Wars: That Strangest of Wine Guides! Wine is delicious, it comes in a zillion different varieties, and it almost never gives you a hangover. Plus, it’s healthy! At least, that’s what I’m told. I know it tastes good, which is always a sure sign that something is good for you.
Let’s get started!
Wine # 1
Brand: Barefoot
Kind: Pinot Grigio
Price: well under $10
I begin with this one because it is the current fave of Ms. Beguiles. I do not normally prefer Pinot Grigios, because they tend to be on the sweet side, plus I’m uncomfortable saying the word “Pinot.” This Pinot Grigio is very good, though. I’ve been known to have a glass even when Ms. Beguiles is off by herself watching Adele videos.
Wine #2
Brand: Barefoot
Kind: Cabernet Sauvignon
Price: well under $10
Strangely, Barefoot’s “Cabbie” is no good at all. It tastes like grapes. Yes, I know wine is made from grapes, but this one just tastes like Welch’s grape juice. You would think that the good people at Barefoot would have noticed that their Cabernet is not yet actually fermented. Leave this one on the grocery store shelf.
Wine #3
Brand: Beringer
Kind: Cabernet Sauvignon
Price: varies
Beringer has a cool thing going on with it’s Cabs. They have a top shelf variety, “Knight’s Valley,” with a black-and-plate-mail-gray label. I’ve never had it because it burns too many bunsens (that’s slang for “too expensive for me”). But then there’s a variety that’s a step down from there: “Founder’s Estate.” It’s anywhere between $11 and $16. It’s really good. Dry, smooth, aromatic. Makes you want to read leather-bound books and kick back with the hounds by the hearth, if you know what I’m saying. Now, from there is even another step down: just the Beringer “California Collection” Cabernet Sauvignon. It’s less than $10—and it’s very, very nice! There’s not much reason to pay extra for the mid-level “Founder’s Estate” one—the low-level is just fine! Enjoy!
The Cheaper's a Keeper!
You see? A wine guide for the rest of us! Because we should all drink more, I think. See you next time!
* see Mt 26:29, Mk 14:25, and Lk 22:18 [RSV]
I am in hilarious agreeance w/ your review of Barefoot wines. Unfortunately, I tried their cab first, then promptly wrote them off. 13.5% my arse. I do have their Pinot on my shelf now, though.
San Giovese blends are my new fave.
More difficult than wine choices, though, is how to find a perfect olive juice for a perfect dirty martini.
Drinking is underrated.
Cheers!
Have you tried a pickletini? Same idea as a dirty martini, but with pickles
What is the story with what makes a perfect olive juice? I know the best olive oil is cold-pressed virgin, preferably from Italy.
Jen G: pickles?!
Well, it’s a matter of taste, Mr. Lord. Some are too salty, some are too um… briny. The best I’ve found is from the Grapevine Trading Co., and it’s sooooo good because it’s got champagne in it with the olives. How could you go wrong? I’m still haranguing the good people there with my requests to bottle just the juice, sans olives.
Oh, and I second your ‘pickles?!’ Bread and butter? Dill? Gherkins? Ah, the choices astound!
Dan: Have you tried Beringer Moscato? I think it’s sublime!
http://www.beringer.com/2009-beringer-moscato-california
It’s on my list now!
Dan, I would be interested in knowing what you think of Lindemann’s Bin 40 Merlot. We have been drinking it for some time (we started with Kendall Jackson Merlot – but too many bunsens here too
We really like it and can get it at Publix for $10 for the big bottle.
O.K. so far I’ve got Beringer Moscato and Lindemann’s Bin 40 Merlot on the Need to Drink List. I’m still skippin’ the Pickletini, though. A pickletini…what’s the world come to?